


I May Burn Up Inside, But I May Also Like It

by BreakTheDawn



Series: Jude Mathis Is Slow Burn Incarnate [2]
Category: Tales of Series, Tales of Xillia
Genre: But His Friends Got HIm, Fluff, Gen, Jude Mathis Is Overworked, M/M, Mild Language, Multi, Past Jude/Ludger, Past Jude/Milla (Sorta One-sided), Past Relationship(s), Post-Canon, Sexual Tension, Slash, We Love And Support Jude Mathis, Worldbuilding, and overwhelmed, found family kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-17 07:42:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29096700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BreakTheDawn/pseuds/BreakTheDawn
Summary: “Huh!?” Alvin questions, “Whadya mean that you guys aren’t dating!?”Jude blushes, as has become the norm whenever he talks to any of his friends about Ivar (though interestingly enough, he doesn’t often find himself blushing in front of Ivar himself for some reason). It’s made even worse by the warm haziness that the alcohol provides.“I mean exactly that,” he explains, “we’re not dating.”“Kid,” Alvin stares at him incredulously, “I literally saw you kiss him just last week.”“O-on the cheek!”OrJude's friends may not be able to get him to take a break or run away from the f***ing terrorists that keep attacking him, but they damn sure can make sure he doesn't let a good thing pass him by.Otherwise Known AsEveryone ships Jude/Ivar and they will make sure that their ships sets sail.
Relationships: Alvin & Jude Mathis, Elize Lutus & Jude Mathis, Ivar & Jude Mathis, Ivar/Jude Mathis, Jude Mathis & Leia Rolando, Rowen J. Ilbert & Jude Mathis
Series: Jude Mathis Is Slow Burn Incarnate [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2134800
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	I May Burn Up Inside, But I May Also Like It

**Author's Note:**

> You know, I'm honestly not too sure what prompted me to do more within this universe. It may have something to do with the lovely bump in Jude/Ludger content within the Xillia tags, but it got me hungering for another rarepair and thus I bring my Jude/Ivar agenda back to you all! 
> 
> This is really just good fun and shenanigans and somewhat turned into a kinda-character study of the crew and their friendship with Jude??? So if that's your thing, then please enjoy. If it's not, well then hopefully still enjoy!
> 
> Anyways, there's some implied violence at one point but nothing to big, and there's nothing explicit to be found hear but Jude and Alvin are both pretty honest and blunt about Jude and Ivar's attraction to one another so read responsibly as always!

It starts with a random comment from Leia.

“Ivar’s actually kinda cute, isn’t he?”

Jude immediately stops folding cookies into the filling for the cheesecake they’ve been preparing for the last twenty minutes, arching an eyebrow and looking over at his childhood friend, who’s studiously attempting to shape the crust into the shape of a cat’s face. 

A bit too studiously, actually. Because Leia’s tone was a little too calm, a little too casual. Her upper body’s completely relaxed but she’s tapping her foot a little too rhythmically for it to be anything other than her trying to contain her excitement over something. 

And then there’s the words themselves, because what does Leia have to be excited about by asking Jude to confirm whether or not he thinks that Ivar is cute? Leia knows that things they both personally find attractive on a person tend to be wildly different, and she also knows that Jude will tell her to disregard his opinion anyway. It’s also a little odd that she’s chosen Ivar, of all people, to ask about. Jude knows that she’s been in contact with the Spirius agent to help him produce some compendium on the monsters spread out across Elympios, but he also knows that Ivar is far from the type of person that Leia would consider attractive on a normal day. 

Firstly, Leia’s not a fan of long hair, on herself or on a potential partner. Ivar’s features are also significantly more angular than she’d normally go for, and he has a tendency to scowl and smirk rather than pout and smile. He’s also taller than Leia lately, if Jude remembers correctly, and Leia’s always huffed at the thought of not being the taller one or the big spoon in a relationship. 

They also bicker like, an insane amount. 

“You think that Ivar’s cute?” Jude asks mildly, wanting to see where this goes.

“Cute enough,” Leia shrugs nonchalantly, “Do you agree? Disagree?”

Ok, there’s definitely something going on here, Jude thinks. Because while Leia has always been painfully shy about bringing up her interest in someone around the person themself, she’s also always been more than willing to boast and rant about it to Jude when prompted. 

He’s not quite sure he gets her angle though, so more information is needed.

“Well…” Jude decides to play along, thinking back to the last time that he’d seen Ivar in person. It hasn’t been that long, he’s a bit surprised to note, since the spirius agent last popped up in Jude’s throughout his moving about between his lab and the Spirius building. Ivar had been dressed in his uniform (minus the jacket because of the high temperatures lately), looking very much like the new normal as he ranted to Jude about some colleague of his that was being difficult about completing assignments and how it was loading his own schedule more than he had the time for.

“And he was all ‘I know that you’ll be able to get this done, Ivar!’ and all I could do was just stare because-”

Jude remembers that for all his complaining, Ivar had seemed to be in an oddly good mood, emerald eyes alight in the late evening street lights and a relaxed droop to his shoulders even as he huffed and puffed about people irritating him. He’d been scowling whenever he looked off to the side and spoke, but his face almost always relaxed into a neutral expression whenever he turned to look at Jude himself, and the researcher could swear that Ivar had grinned at him briefly before darting off somewhere just as they’d found themselves next to Jude’s apartment building. Ivar had also said something particularly odd just before departing.

“I guess this must be how you feel then, with everyone knowing that you’re hypercompetent and not leaving you alone about it.”

Jude hadn’t had a chance to grill the man on what he’d meant by that, because Ivar had swiftly tossed a goodbye and his maybe-a-grin at him before making his exit. Jude remembers standing at the entrance at his building and staring after Ivar just long enough to see the man himself turn his head back briefly before rounding a corner.

“He’s...fairly handsome, I suppose.” 

Jude hopes that Leia’s attention to the crust for their cheesecake is enough to keep her from looking up and seeing the slight flush cross his cheeks. Because, well, now that he’s thinking about it.

Ivar is a little bit more than  _ fairly  _ handsome.

Jude has no such hangups about long-hair, whether or not someone has sharper or softer features doesn’t matter to him either, and he…

He really likes it when someone that he’s interested in is taller than him. 

Ivar’s darker skin is also  _ beautiful _ , it contrasts nicely with his silver hair and it looks like it almost has the texture of silk in the right lighting. His canines are very pronounced when he grins, and Jude thinks about the other man’s teeth more than is strictly appropriate. The agent’s always had a lean build, but it seems as though he’s put on slightly more muscle lately, likely because of all the extra work he’s taken up. And now that Ivar has no desire to compete or fight with Jude much anymore, the researcher has found himself able to appreciate the other man’s form in a battle. It’s all carefully controlled energy and sharpness now, nothing like the erratic way he used to fight when he was flustered.

“W-why do you ask?” Jude forces himself to say, clearing his throat a bit and forcing those thoughts back.

Leia hums, and it’s a playful little sound that’s just barely hiding the mischief underneath and Jude realizes very quickly that he maybe shouldn’t have played along.

“Oh no real reason,” she says, and it's obvious that she’s losing the battle to keep her tone from becoming teasing. “He just talks about you a lot lately, is all.”

Leia then looks up to see his reaction to her words, and Jude knows that he’s fallen into a trap.

“Oh?” He murmurs, hoping that his face isn’t going as red as he thinks it is. With the grin that’s starting to spread over Leia’s face, he thinks that he’s not so lucky this time.

“Yeah, it's actually kind of cute,” she says playfully, “he wants to know all about how you’re doing these days. I didn’t even know you two had become friends.”

“I mean…” Jude turns back to the batter to hide his face, “It was a pretty natural course of events. Spirius is invested in the spyrite research, as well as dissolving the last remains of Exodus, and Ivar’s become one of their most reliable agents pretty fast. We’ve worked together on the field more than a few times now.”

“I’d have figured that you wouldn’t want anything to do with him, after how much he picked with you.”

“I never held it against him,” Jude responds honestly, “He spent practically his whole life devoted to supporting Milla, only for someone else to come in and stand at her side when the going really got tough. And he’s never been used to having friends, it made sense that he didn’t react very well.”

“I guess.”

“And besides,” Jude continues on, suddenly finding the urge to make sure he gets all of it out. “He ended up helping us out in more ways than one later down the line. Ivar’s also just a lot less uptight about how he’s seen by others now, time has really mellowed him out.”

“So what I’m hearing,” Leia sounds delighted, and that’s a problem. “Is that you like Ivar now.”

Jude’s face may as well be aflame.

“Sure I do,” he mutters, “he’s becoming a good friend of mine. You must be warming up to him too, after all.”

“Oh yeah,” Leia laughs, “when he’s not being an asshole just to be an asshole, he can be a pretty chill guy.”

“Hmm,” Jude thinks back to the start of their conversation, “A pretty chill guy that you think is...cute?”

Jude instantly wants to cover his face. That was so transparent that even Elle, in all her casual innocence, would be able to tell what he’s fishing for. So naturally, as the person whose known him the longest, Leia picks up on it immediately.

“Well I mostly think that the way he talks about you is cute,” he doesn’t even need to turn to see that she’s smiling big now. Trust Leia to just be able to turn it back on him just as easily.

“Uh…” Jude mumbles, “that’s interesting…”

“Yep, it sure is.” Leia says and Jude can hear the shit-eating grin that she has on her face. 

There’s a long stretch of silence in which Jude can practically hear Leia’s anticipation as she waits him out. And of course Leia’s able to summon the intense patience and discipline that her mother instilled in them when they were training, but only in moments like these, moments where she uses it to terrorize Jude.

And in true Jude-fashion, he finds himself breaking not four minutes later.

“So...what does he say about me?” 

He says it out the side of his mouth through grit teeth, but ultimately accepts that this is the way it’s going to be right now. Doing anything other than indulging in his burning curiosity about this topic would require him to lie, and that’s not something that Jude’s comfortable doing to Leia, nor has it ever been something that he’s done when it comes to his own thoughts and feelings. It’s always been what separates him from his father, and Jude’s nothing if not determined to keep it that way.

“Well since you asked,” Leia sounds delighted, “other than asking how you’re doing, which he does a lot by the way, he also talks about how smart you are.”

“Really?” Jude asks dubiously, because that doesn’t quite sound like Ivar.

“In his whole ‘wow it’s annoying that Jude is that good at this but hey have you noticed that he’s that good at this, isn’t that kinda neat, do you know how he got that good at this?’, type of way.”

Jude flushes again immediately, because that does sound like Ivar. And he also knows from firsthand experience that Ivar does in fact go on seemingly frustrated rants about people he admires only to become strangely sincere about the fact at the end of them.

“I also hear about what a good team you guys are on the battlefield,” Leia continues, “like, those times where some Exodus mooks were causing trouble, and apparently some hunt you helped him on. You really left an impression.”

“O-Oh…” Jude remembers both instances that Leia’s referring to. It’s no secret to anyone who knows about their little ragtag “save-the-world” team that all of them are outstandingly capable on the battlefield. Anytime something pops up that’s a little too risky to send standard agents after, one of them tends to get a call. Nine out of ten times, it’s a toss-up between Alvin, Leia, and Jude himself, considering that they’re the ones that currently live in Elympios. 

The Exodus plot to derail another train (and why the hell was it always trains?) that he and Ivar had foiled had been one of the smoothest operations that Jude had ever found himself a part of. Ivar had proven to be extremely proficient at stealth when he wanted to be, and not one Exodus operative had really stood a chance. 

“Especially when you linked,” Leia says teasingly, “Ivar had a lot to say about how reliable your link was.”

The monster hunt had required a great deal more effort. It was a wyvern-like beast with very sharp claws and very big horns that had been terrorizing the highroads. Jude and Ivar had once again been selected, and while Jude had initially wanted to wait and see if Alvin could have tagged along, Ivar had been so carefree and so sure that they could handle it and he’d grinned and given Jude this oddly charged  _ look  _ and  _ winked  _ and Jude had kind of just...went along with it. 

(Looking back on it now, Jude realizes that it was extremely reminiscent of the way Milla and then Ludger could make Jude want to do anything for and with them just by being  _ them  _ and he’s a little bit floored by the realization.)

It had been a challenge, but a welcome one in the end. At no point during their struggle with the beat did Jude come to the conclusion that they were in over their heads or that he’d made a mistake in not waiting for Alvin, but they did discern rather early on that they would have to link in order to come out of the fight mostly unscathed. And so they’d linked. 

“Though I can’t blame him on that one, you do keep everyone you link with pretty grounded.”

Ivar’s link had been charged and energetic. There was this odd dichotomy where the other man clearly preferred to channel earth spirits, but his fighting style was geared towards wildly acrobatic and at times aerial maneuvers. What struck Jude mostly was Ivar’s confidence and playful aggression that had bled through the link. Not only did he trust that he and Jude handle the beast with little issue, he was having fun with it too. 

It was exhilarating, and Jude stills finds himself thinking about the way Ivar’s eyes had moved over him afterwards, smoldering and thrilled as they both panted and came down from the adrenaline and the exhausted high that came from channeling while linked.

“Are you daydreaming, Jude?”

The researcher snaps back to himself and turns to look at Leia’s amused grin. 

Shit.

“Um…” he says smartly, mind still reeling. As though she can tell what he’s thinking just by that alone, Leia’s smiles softens and her expression goes painfully sincere.

“I really think that it’s cute, y’know?” She says, “You can’t tell me that you haven't noticed that you might have something going for you there?”

Jude sighs good-naturedly, resigning himself to the fact that they’re really talking about this and he’s probably going to be blushing for a while. This is Leia afterall, and who better to be the first person that Jude talks about this aloud with?

“I’ve noticed vaguely,” he admits with a shrug, “I...he’s really nice actually, and surprisingly considerate…”

“And…?” Leia prompts with an encouraging smile.

“And,” he says, “he’s just, really fun to be around? It’s hard to explain, but he’s always so animated and passionate and it’s just so...exciting?”

“Oh!” Leia squeals and Jude watches in vague amusement as she hops in place and claps her hands, “That’s so good Jude! That’s  _ sooooo  _ great! What are you gonna do about it?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugs again, feeling embarrassed at the prospect of doing anything. Acknowledging that he’s developing feelings for Ivar with his best friend is one thing, thinking about acting on them is an entirely different situation. 

“Well you’re not gonna do that thing that you did with Milla and Ludger where you just like, let your feelings simmer and not even tell him, are you?”

“Hey,” Jude would like to deny that he’s someone who pouts, but facts are facts. And the fact is that he definitely feels his lips pursing and his nose scrunching as he says, “They knew. They both knew.”

“Yes but you didn’t tell them,” Leia corrects, pointing a finger. “You just let Ludger come to that conclusion himself through linking and saying  _ everything  _ but ‘hey, I’m kinda in love with you’. And don’t even get me started on Milla!”

“She understood how I felt,” Jude accentuates his pout with crossed arms, how embarrassing. “But spirits don’t feel romantic love in the way that we do, so she couldn’t completely relate.”

“Semantics, semantics,” Leia scoffs and waves her hand dismissively. “The point is that you didn’t go for it, but you should go for it now.”

“What’s the point of going for it if I can’t be sure that he feels the same way?” Jude huffs.

“Jude of course he feels the same way! I just spent the last ten minutes trying to subtly hint to you that he feels the same way!”

“Just because we’re friends and he’s checking after me though my other friends doesn’t mean that he likes me like that!”

“Jude,” Leia throws her hands up in the air, “Ivar has literally been obsessed with you since he met you!”

“That wasn’t always a good thing, though!”

“But it's a good thing now!” she insists, “You cannot tell me that you haven’t noticed that he’s into you, Jude.”

Jude blushes furiously, because he’s certainly noticed enough to say with some degree of confidence that Ivar is at least attracted to him. Still…

“Just because he  _ might  _ be attracted to me doesn’t mean that he wants something more with me Leia,” he says quietly, “you know that I tend to play for keeps.”

Leia softens again at that, eyes warm and sincere, face the picture of concern. It seems as though she’s on the verge of letting the topic go, because she gives a soft sigh and turns back to the crust.

“I know, Jude.” She says, “Just...think about it, ok? Keep it in mind?”

Jude turns back to the batter without responding. But he doesn’t need to, because Leia’s not quite done.

“You might have a good thing going for you there,” she says quietly, “and you deserve it.”

Jude snorts, “what makes you think that?”

It’s a bit more self-deprecating than he allows himself to be normally, but talking about Ludger generally tends to lead Jude’s mind into some fairly dark crevices of guilt and regret and not being able to do enough. 

“You’re literally spear-heading research to save both spirits and pretty much the entirety of Elympios. You’ve already saved this world once and you not too long ago basically helped save the entire universe or something like that. You work insane hours and help pretty much anyone who asks no matter what they’re asking of you, even though you’re the prime target of a literal terrorist organization and you get crazy threats all the time. Oh, and you're a doctor.”

Leia’s delivery is plain and matter-of-fact and leaves no room for argument. Jude looks back over again to see his friend scowling down at the crust she’s gone back to shaping. 

“You basically deserve the world, Jude.” She says firmly, “And don’t you  _ dare  _ let anyone ever tell you otherwise, even if that someone is yourself.”

Touched, Jude can’t help but smile and bask in the warmth that Leia’s words bring him.

“You know I didn’t do any of those things alone, right?” He waits until she looks up at him again to continue, “And that I’m still not alone, even now?”

Leia stares for a brief moment before grinning widely.

“Course you aren’t,” she says proudly, “who knows where you’d be without us? Without me? So you should take my advice because obviously I know my stuff.”

Jude’s helpless to do anything but laugh.

“Ok, ok,” he yields, “I get it. I’ll keep what you said in mind, ok?”

“You better!”

“We should probably get to finishing this before Elize and Elle get here, though.” Jude reminds, “That’s kind of what my mind needs to focus on for right now.”

“Oh crap! Look at the time!” Leia’s eyes widen as she looks at the display on Jude’s oven, “We gotta hurry!”

“That we do,” Jude agrees with a chuckle. And they do just that, focusing their attention back to their individual tasks. A comfortable silence fills the kitchen for a few minutes, before Jude decides to speak again.

“Hey, Leia?”

“What’s up?”

“...Thanks.”

“...Anytime.”

…

Much to Jude’s endless embarrassment, Elize and Rowen are the next ones to bring it up. 

“Jude!” 

Her latest arrival is announced by Teepo latching onto Jude’s face excitedly, and the researcher goes through the unfortunately familiar motions of prying the booster off as the sound of Elize’s carefree giggles come closer.

“Hi Jude!” she greets warmly, giving Jude just enough time to yank Teepo away and breathe before she throws herself at his chest and wraps her own arms around him tightly. 

“Hello to you both,” Jude chuckles, wrapping an arm around Elize in return as the other hand reaches up to pat Teepo on the head. 

“Ah, to be young again and filled with such energy.” Rowen’s voice says wistfully, and Jude turns his head to smile at the older man approaching at a much more sedate pace.

“Hi Rowen,” he greets warmly, “how are the exercises working out for you?”

“Quiet well, I’m happy to report.” Rowen says with a jovial grin as Elize lets go and Teepo takes to merely hovering around Jude’s head and blowing air to see his hair move (which has become one of the dolls favorite pastimes over the past two years since Jude had decided to simply let the fluffiness of his hair prevail rather than spend unnecessary time in the mornings trying to tame it). “I knew that I did myself a service in asking you for your professional opinion.”

“I’m glad,” Jude says, eyeing the man’s posture as a force of habit.

Rowen had reached out to Jude few months previous because he’d found himself having significantly more trouble in battle whenever he had to cross Rieze Maxia and take on monsters (“An unfortunate byproduct of age, I’m afraid. Completely inevitable, young Jude, I assure you that you don’t need to worry too much about me, I was merely wondering if you had any tips and tricks that could help.). Using his medical training in tandem with his martial training, Jude had quickly come up with a morning, midday, and nighttime stretch and kata routine that he hoped would help his friend alleviate some of the stiffness and aches. 

Rowen’s posture is impeccable as always and he seems relaxed in a way that means that he’s likely not in any pain. Jude’s glad to see that the routines have helped, he really doesn’t fancy losing anyone else prematurely anytime soon. 

“I trust that you’ve been looking after yourself as well?” Rowen arches an eyebrow and looks at Jude closely. 

“Oh yeah!” Elize says, hands pressed against her chest. “We heard that some Exodus guys tried to attack you!”

Jude sighs. He should have known better than to hope that the news of Exodus’ latest activity wouldn’t reach them somehow. 

“Yes they did, unfortunately.” He acknowledges, “But it was resolved quickly and I came out of it completely fine.” 

The guard detail from Spirius that had been assigned to him for his most recent presentation of his findings had not fared as well, but there had thankfully not been any deaths or long-term injuries. He had done his best to convince them that he didn’t need bodyguards, but Spirius had been adamant (and Jude suspects that the organization wants to have eyes on him anyways), and thus he had a detail of three men that quickly fell to Exodus’ new weaponry (that he’s still concerned about).

What Exodus didn’t seem to account for, was that Jude has never been an easy target, and he likes to think that he made it known quite well that day.

“Jude,” Rowen starts hesitantly, “have you perhaps considered the idea that it may be getting a bit too dangerous for you to be so plainly accessible to Exodus while you’re the face of spyrite research and by proxy one of the faces of Rieze Maxian-Elympian relations?”

“I...have.” Jude mutters. 

Rowen’s far from the first person to imply that it would be safer for Jude to relocate back to Rieze Maxia. Balan, Alvin, Leia, Vera, Nova and Gaius even, have all brought the idea up in some capacity. 

He tells Rowen the same thing that he’d told them.

“This is the best place for me to complete my research though,” Jude insists, “and there’s still just too much to be done and so little time to do it...I can’t leave now. I need to see this through.”

“I expected that you would say as much,” Rowen says a bit too somberly for Jude’s liking, so the researcher sets to changing the topic.

“How’s Elle doing?” he looks at Elize. The girl frowns at him briefly like she knows what he’s trying to do, but Jude sees the moment that she decides to just go along with it in the way that the frown falls away to reveal a smile.

“She’s doing great!” Elize says happily, “I think she’s really starting to like Sharilton! And she’s making a lot of friends in school.” 

“I’m glad to hear that.” Jude smiles. 

The decision for Elle to go with Elize back to Sharilton was one that everyone had agreed was probably for the best. It had been a little difficult for both Elle and Jude to swallow initially, seeing as though Jude had by far spent the most time with Elle and Ludger of the group, but Jude didn’t feel entirely comfortable with idea of her being alone as often as she’d have to be given his work schedule, and Elle had summarily refused to let Jude completely rearrange his life just for her (even if he would have, spirits, he would have done it). And thus it was unanimously decided that Elle would spend most of her time in Rieze Maxia but would stay with Jude whenever she was in Elympios. 

“You’ll be glad to hear something else too!” Teepo says mischievously and Jude’s instantly nervous because nothing good can come out of that tone from Teepo. 

Especially when it’s paired with a smirk from both Elize and Rowen.

“Oh yeah~” Elize sing-songs, bringing her purse up into her hands and reaching into it. “We have a present for you~”

Jude blinks. “A...present?”

“A present not strictly from us, however” Rowen says happily, “we’re merely the couriers.”

“Huh?”

“Someone was thinking about you, Jude!” Teepo flutters about his head as he says this.

“A special someone~” Elize’s eyes flash in a  _ terrifying  _ way, “Can you guess who?”

“Uh…” this is weird, Jude thinks. He racks his brain to discern whom they might be talking about, but finds himself coming up blank. He’s decently sure that no one has any reason to want to pass a gift along to him. It’s not his birthday anytime soon or anything. 

“Shall we give a bit of a hint?” Rowen’s having way too much fun right now, and it’s stressing Jude out.

“Maybe just a little one!” Elize too.

“It’s a special Spirius agent!” Teepo drawls.

A pause.

Jude’s face flames up spectacularly fast.

“Um…” he mutters, “h-how’d you guys end up in contact with Ivar?”

It’s not too far out of the realm of possibility. To Jude’s knowledge, Ivar is in fact spending some time in Nia Khera, but that’s a bit out of the way for both Elize and Rowen to have come across him. 

“Ah!” Elize squeals, “he guessed right!”

“Jude thinks Ivar is  _ special _ !” Teepo cheers. All at once, Jude’s reminded of the fact that they’re in the shopping district of Trigleph which means that there are people around to watch and listen in.

“T-Teepo!”   
  


“I happened upon the lad on my way down to Sharilton to meet with Lady Elise,” Rowen explains, voice calm but eyes belying his amusement. “To my understanding, he was returning back to Nia Khera after having already started making his way down to Marksburg.”

“He was going to come back early?” Jude asks, confused.

“He even knows his schedule!” Elize hops in place in her excitement.

“I-duh-I…” Jude stammers, but ultimately decides to snap his mouth shut for the moment before he gives them more fuel.

“I believe that was his intention,” Rowen goes on, “but upon confirming that you were indeed safe and well-accounted for, he returned to complete whatever duties he had in his hometown.”

Jude’s eyes widen, and he feels like his face is going to melt with how much heat gathers in his cheeks. All at once he thinks of the texts he’s exchanged with Ivar just last week. 

( **_Ivar_ ** _ : Damn trash GHS, calls can’t connect from this far so I gotta text _

**_Ivar_ ** _ : I heard about the attack on the convention! _

**_Ivar_ ** _ : R U Ok? _

**_Ivar_ ** _ : Do-gooder! _

**_Ivar_ ** _ : I Knew that they choose the wrong guards for security! They Suck! _

**_Ivar_ ** _ : First thing when i get back, upgrade GHS, don’t let me forget. _

**_Ivar_ ** _ : Ur probs fine though, I hope u wiped the floor with those Exodus freaks _

**_Ivar_ ** _ : U know u can answer me anytime, do-gooder _

**_Ivar_ ** _ : U better be safe do-gooder or so help me Lady Milla. >:( _

**_Ivar_ ** _ :...Jude? _

**_Ivar_ ** _ : Please tell me you’re ok? _

**_Jude_ ** _ : I’m ok. _

**_Jude_ ** _ : I’m so sorry Ivar, my GHS was damaged when I set off the sprinklers. I was just able to get it repaired. I’m safe and well and there’s no lasting complications. They didn’t really get a chance to land a hit on me. _

**_Jude_ ** _ : They got your colleagues pretty good, but I wouldn’t say that they suck, they were just surprised. _

**_Ivar_ ** _ : U basically saved urself they fucking suck! _

**_Jude_ ** _ : Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. _

**_Jude_ ** _ : Ivar that’s not quite fair. _

**_Ivar_ ** _ : Nah it’s not fair that Exodus got close enough to u that u had to fight back urself! They suck! _

**_Ivar_ ** _ : And Idk if u noticed Jude, but I was kinda waiting for ur text, sleep be damned.  _

**_Ivar_ ** _ : Wasn’t sleeping well anyway _

**_Jude_ ** _ : Oh, well I’m ok. I promise, no injuries at all. _

**_Jude_ ** _ : You can even text Leia and Alvin and ask them if it makes you feel better xxx-xxx-xxxx, xxx-xxx-xxxx. They’ve been staying with me for the last few days. _

**_Ivar_ ** _ : Ah shit I’m stupid -.- _

**_Ivar_ ** _ : I legit have Leia’s # already and I didn’t even think about texting her. But I will now. _

**_Jude_ ** _ : Whatever makes you feel better. I’m sorry I worried you. _

**_Ivar_ ** _ : Don’t apologize for getting attacked man, just make sure ur in one piece and good health by the time I get back and we’ll call it square. _

**_Jude_ ** _ : Deal. You be safe too. _

**_Ivar_ ** _ : How r u still worried about others when u were the one who was attacked? _

**_Jude_ ** _ : I...don’t know? It just comes naturally with people I care about? _

**_Ivar_ ** _ :...Do-gooder. _

**_Jude_ ** _ : Guilty as charged I guess hahaha. _ )

“O-Oh…” Jude murmurs.

“And he gave Rowen something to give to you!” Elize says brightly.

“He did?” Jude asks, cursing his heart as it starts beating slightly faster.

“He did indeed,” Rowen gestures to Elize, who finally pulls something out of her purse. 

Jude looks at the item. 

And promptly feels his face burn so much that he’s surprised that he doesn’t pass out. 

Teepo maneuvers his way down and underneath Jude’s hand to force it up so that Elize can drop Ivar’s choker into it. 

And that’s what it is. Ivar’s choker. A seemingly simple band of brown leather with protective symbols carved into the inside of it that Ivar never takes off. 

Except to give to Jude, apparently.

“You kinda look like you’re about to pass out Jude,” Elize says, half-amused and half-concerned. 

“He’s overwhelmed by the power of love!” Teepo announces, which only serves to make Jude blush even more. 

“I was instructed to ‘tell that do-gooder that this helps with channeling protective spirit artes and he better use it or so help me Lady Milla’” Rowen says lightly.

“O-Oh…” Jude is at a loss for words, simply staring at the item in his hand with wide eyes as Teepo resumes his pattern of “making Jude’s hair dance, yay!”

“It’s really sweet,” Elize offers with a more genuine smile, “isn’t it?”

“Y-yeah…” he responds, a little helplessly. “It’s really, really,  _ really  _ sweet.”

“If I might say, dear boy.” Rowen begins, eyes kind. “It’s quite rare to foster such a connection nowadays. The world is ever changing and life seems to become more and more fleeting even as we stand here speaking.”

Jude only nods, because he definitely understands where Rowen is coming from with that.

“Especially with a life as busy as the one you live,” Rowen walks up to place a hand on his shoulder, “as demanding as the one you live, one would think that taking all the good that comes your way would be a healthy choice, would it not?”

Jude finally looks up from the choker to see both of his friends watching him with nothing but the utmost level of support in their faces. It’s almost overwhelming.

“Plus you two have a really cute height difference,” Elize offers, and Jude’s helpless to do anything but laugh.

“Yeah,” he says after he regains his composure. He stares down at the choker, thinks of anything and everything that’s been happening the past few months, and finds himself achingly appreciative of his friends. And someone who might just be a bit more than that. 

Jude smiles.

“I like our height difference too,” he admits, pocketing the item. “Come on,” he says once Elize is done squealing yet again, “we still have the rest of the day ahead of us.”

Rowen gives his shoulder a squeeze before stepping away.

“We certainly do.”

And if Jude’s a little more bright, a little quicker to laugh, a little more smiley the rest of the day. Well, then that’s between the four of them. 

(And Leia. When she inevitably finds that night.

“ _ Whaaaaaaat _ !? Jude that’s so sickeningly cute I feel like I’m gonna die!”)

....

**_Jude:_ ** _ Thank you. _

**_Ivar:_ ** _...for what? _

**_Jude:_ ** _...I have a feeling you know :) _

**_Ivar:_ ** _ *gasp* Jude, using emojis? Is the world ending or something!? _

**_Jude:_ ** _ Hahaha. Goodnight Ivar. _

**_Ivar:_ ** _ I mean it’s technically morning here but yeah goodnight to u too nerd. _

**_Jude:_ ** _ :) _

**_Ivar:_ ** _ OMG stop that.  _

**_Ivar:_ ** _...ur welcome btw. _

…

It’s only natural that Alvin gets a chance too.

It happens during one of their bi-weekly bar-hopping nights, which is a tradition that the mercenary-turned-businessman had insisted upon pretty much the moment Jude had reached the legal drinking age. Jude had shied away from the idea at first, because they all found out on his eighteenth birthday that he was an exceedingly affectionate drunk and was even more honest than he normally is, which is already more than usual by normal people’s standards. 

But Alvin had made a compelling case for it, and Jude had found that it was nice to be able to unwind with one of his closest friends and coincidentally enough, the one friend whom he felt the absolute safest around. 

He’s never been sure if it’s because Alvin's always been his go-to link partner, even more so than Milla and Ludger were at times back then, or if it was just something about the man’s confident swagger that Jude could pick through in a manner of seconds to reveal the emotions underneath, but Jude never feels more sure of himself and his principles than when he's with Alvin. So to him it makes sense that he’d be comfortable letting loose with the man around.

“Huh!?” Alvin questions one of these nights, “Whaddya mean that you guys  _ aren’t  _ dating!?”

Jude blushes, as has become the norm whenever he talks to any of his friends about Ivar (though interestingly enough, he doesn’t often find himself blushing in front of Ivar himself for some reason). It’s made even worse by the warm haziness that the alcohol provides.

“I mean exactly that,” he explains, “we’re not dating.”

“Kid,” Alvin stares at him incredulously, “I literally saw you kiss him just last week.”

“O-on the cheek!” Jude stammers. He’d been mortified when he’d woken up the next morning, but Ivar had shrugged and said in no uncertain terms that he didn’t mind the next day and they’d kind of just...left it at that? 

Jude doesn’t even fully remember why he’d done it, to be perfectly honest. It was a rare day when Alvin, Leia, Jude and Ivar had all had a night and the next morning off, so they’d gotten together then too and brought out some alcohol to boot. And Ivar had just looked so relaxed and so casual just sitting on Alvin’s couch and Jude had been wearing the choker and Ivar had been occasionally giving him these looks that kind of made it seem like he wanted to eat Jude and at some point he’d just been so overwhelmed with affection for the man that he just had to show it some way but Jude still hadn’t found an ideal time to admit that he was crushing hard on Ivar so kissing him on the lips was still out of the question but hey, he had a perfectly good cheek that was just right there and-

“Ok but do  _ friends  _ generally kiss  _ friends  _ on the cheek?” Alvin demands, cutting Jude out of his reliving the moment.

Jude frowns, “Yes, actually. Elize kisses me on the cheek when she’s excited about something, so has Leia, they’ve kissed you on the cheek too!”

A pause. Then he remembers.

“Alvin,” Jude huffs, “ _ I’ve _ kissed you on the cheek before!”

“Ok fine, fine.” The other man grumbles, his cheeks going a bit red too. “But there’s a difference between those Elize and Leia’s tiny little pecks and your ‘ _ I’m glad you’re alive _ ’ kisses, which are weird, by the way.”

“You literally kiss my head every time you have to use a life bottle on me!”

“Which is far too often for my tastes, kid.” Alvin retorts, “but you’re missing the point here! Those are different, your kiss on the agent lingered, and you both eye-fucked each other on my innocent couch for like two minutes until Leia screamed.”

“W-we did  _ not  _ eye-fuck each other!” Jude defends, before throwing back the rest of his drink because hell if he’s going to continue this discussion while even the slightest bit sober.

“Jude,” Alvin says seriously, “if Leia had waited any longer to have her little fangirl freak-out moment, I’m convinced we would have had to literally pry you two away from one another.”

“Stooop, this is  _ so  _ embarrassing!” Jude hides his face in his hands as Alvin gestures for the bartender to get them another round. He can’t even deny what the other man is saying, because Jude damn sure remembers thinking that Ivar’s lap looked like prime real estate and that his tie was only partially undone and hanging loosely but it would have been so easy to grab it and-

“See! You’re thinking about it now, even!”

“ _ Noooo _ ! Enough!” Jude whines, “Why are you all so invested in my love life?”

“ _ A-ha _ ! So you admit it’s your love life!”

“Of course it’s my love life!” Jude huffs, picking up the cobalt blue drink that Alvin somehow always knows to order for him. “I  _ want  _ to date him! And I think that he wants to date me.”

“Damn straight he does.”

“What I don’t get,” Jude ignores Alvin’s interjection, “is why you all care so much about us dating!”

“Uh, maybe it’s cuz we wanna see you happy?” Alvin responds as though that should be obvious, “And we haven’t seen you light up like that since Ludger?”

“Yeah well,” Jude murmurs, “Ludger didn’t exactly work out, did he?”

Thinking of the man has gotten less painful over time, but it still stings to know that unlike Milla, who still exists and is around and present with Jude in her own way, Ludger’s time was cut tragically short after all he’d done for the world. It still stings just how short their time together, precious as it was, ended being after Ludger had quietly acknowledged that he knew and that he was well on his way to feeling the same and they-

“No, and that sucks. And I still can’t find the words to say just how much it sucks,” Alvin leans his shoulder into Jude’s, “but don’t you think this is a little different?”

“How is it different?” he asks quietly.

“Ludger and Milla were larger than life, destined for things beyond our means and comprehension.” Alvin explains, “You knew that about them, going into it. And you still fell in love.”

“Yeah…” Jude mumbles, unsure of how this is supposed to make him feel any better.

“Well, Ivar may have a larger than life personality,” his friend chuckles and Jude laughs along with him, “but really, he’s just a regular person like the rest of us.”

“I’d hardly call us regular,” he responds.

“Point,” Alvin shrugs, “but you’re both on a similar playing field, life-wise. You both have a much wider range of choice than Milla of Ludger ever really did.”

“That’s sad to think about.”

“If you’re thinking about Milla and Ludger it is,” Alvin drops the pretense and just throws his whole arm over Jude’s shoulder, “but what if you think about just Ivar?”

Jude hums, sipping at his drink and trying to do just that. 

Their schedules tend to line up surprisingly well, his and Ivar’s. And while they can’t always discuss the deeper details of their work for various reasons, their projects overlap enough that it’s never been an issue and Jude doesn’t foresee it becoming one anytime soon. If he’s being perfectly honest…

“It feels like it would be easy,” Jude murmurs around his glass, “like we’re already on the precipice. Being with him is so easy, Alvin. And so nice. Building something together with him just feels so...attainable.”

“You say that like that’s a bad thing.”

“Because what if I get what I want and I lose it?” Jude looks up at the ceiling, “I have so much left to do, and it just feels like every time I’ve ever let myself get even the slightest bit selfish...everything goes to shit, and then...I lose someone.”

“Oh come on, kid.” Alvin says softly, “When has things going to shit ever stopped you before?”

“You know when,” Jude responds just as softly, leaning his head down onto his friend's shoulder.

“I snapped you out of it that time too, remember?” 

Jude snorts. 

“You want to go for it, don’t you?” Alvin asks.

Jude sighs, “I do. I really,  _ really  _ do.”

“Well, not for nothing but,” Alvin reaches over and taps their glasses together with a subtle  _ ‘clink’ _ , “you had us after Milla, you had us after Ludger, and you’ll damn sure have us after Ivar, but something’s telling me that you might not really need us all that much.”

“Lies,” he mumbles, “I’ll always need you guys.”

“Yeah, yeah, sappy-sappy, we’ll always need you too,” Alvin chuckles, “you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.”

There’s a comfortable silence as they both polish off the remainder of their drinks. 

“So?” Alvin asks after a while, “You gonna go for it?”

His free hand lifts to touch the choker around his neck, and Jude’s helpless to do anything but grin.

“I’m gonna go for it.”

…

In true Jude Mathis Luck and Fashion, his opportunity to go for it doesn’t come until literally two months later when he gets a call from Leia that leads to him finding an unconscious Ivar at the base of a long drop within the Tantalian Abyss. 

He gets there with time to spare, breathes through his panic, and fixes Ivar up enough to get him walking. He brings Ivar to his lab, keeps up the ruse of pretending he doesn’t know that his secretary is a plant by Spirius, fixes him up good as new, ignores the hotly charged air between them until confident and comfortable with the work he’s produced for the day. 

And then he goes for it. 

“I’m glad you’re ok,” he nearly whispers as he laces their fingers together, “I was worried about you.”

“How could I not be?” Ivar asks as if there was any doubt. As though his faith in Jude is unshakeable. “You were the one looking out for me.”

They’re close enough that he can see tiny hazel specks in Ivar’s emerald eyes. Jude doesn’t even think that they were this close when they were making tense eye contact after he’d drunkenly kissed Ivar on the cheek that one time.

“Ivar?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you have to go back immediately tonight or tomorrow?” Jude asks, hoping that his voice doesn’t let on how nervous he is.

_ I’m going for it. _

“I don’t,” Ivar answers, and all at once Jude is filled with heat and excitement and e _ ven more nerves. _

“Oh,” Jude bites his lip a bit. “Will you,” he begins, but has to stop and swallow. He gathers his nerves, this is something he’s always done, been honest about what he wants.

“Will you stick around for a little bit then?” he asks softly, but then almost immediately second guesses himself. “You probably have things you want to do though-”

“I want to be around you,” Ivar cuts in, eyes fierce and passionate and Jude’s floored by just how much he  _ wants  _ in that moment. 

It’s enough to keep him in stunned silence as Ivar seems to go through a great deal of thoughts in his head before nodding to himself and focusing all of his attention on Jude again. 

“Yeah,” Ivar says, “I want to be with you,” and Jude just about combusts, “so you’re stuck with me. Which means you’ll need to take lots of breaks tomorrow, and be done for tonight.”

Overwhelmed by the sheer  _ warmth  _ he feels in the face of Ivar’s care, Jude has to look down and gather himself before he does something incredibly embarrassing like jump in place.

Images of Elize and Leia run through his mind unwarranted and the thought of his friends makes him chuckle as well as settles him enough to look back up at Ivar.

“I think I can manage that,” he says, and Ivar full-on grins at that and it’s almost enough to leave Jude breathless and spirits, how did he not notice that he’d fallen this hard?

Ivar gives Jude’s hands a squeeze, lets his head fall forward until their foreheads are pressed together and they’re sharing each other’s air.

“Good,” he says. 

Rowen and Alvin’s advice echo within his head.

“Can I…?” Jude asks softly, hoping that his intentions are clear. A random conversation he’d had with Elle not too long ago replays in his head.

( _ “Everyone says that you like Ivar and you want to kiss him, Jude.” _

_ “Is that so?” _

_ “Yep. So is it true?” _

_ “Well they really shouldn’t be gossiping with you about that, but yes. It’s true.” _

_ “So when are you gonna kiss him?” _ )

“If you don’t” Ivar mumbles, “then I will.”

Jude smiles, presses his lips to Ivar’s, and revels in the warmth that comes with Ivar pressing back and pulling him impossibly closer.

…

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> There's something about Jude and Ivar that's just so...potentially wholesome to me. I really like the thought of them becoming friends and just kind of casually becoming into each other and them both vaguely knowing that they're into each other and just waiting for the best moment to act on it. If it wasn't clear, I headcanon that Milla isn't quite capable of feeling romantic love the way that Jude is, but it still doesn't take away from the genuine nature of their connection. I also just think that Jude/Ludger is such a natural progression given the events of the game, and I totally think in a world where it was possible for everyone to have a happy ending without death or sacrifice, that those two would have been in beautiful lovey-dovey with each other and basically raise Elle together. 
> 
> Has anyone else noticed just how absurdly credentialed Jude Mathis is? Like, it's insane, and I could totally see him blossoming into a figure that the world relies on as well as the figure a lot of non-believers would want to take down. I did my best to keep this limited to character interactions but some plot may or may not have jumped out... So no promises on a continuation, but know that it is in fact possible lol.


End file.
